What If I Don’t Belong In A Retirement Home?

It is a normal human behavior to worry about parents, but sometimes this well-intended emotion goes a little too far and backfires.

David Bolton

Updated

March 14, 2023

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Retirement homes can be places of comfort and thriving community for many people; however, this is not always the case for seniors. When people start to age, health will often begin to decline, even if very slowly. With more health issues comes more concern from loved ones, especially adult children. It is a normal human behavior to worry about parents, but sometimes this well-intended emotion goes a little too far and backfires. Adult children want to see their parents in the best state of life as they age, and will go to drastic measures to see this through. Unfortunately, children might jump the gun and move their parents into a retirement home prematurely. In other cases, a child does not want to tend to their parents’ needs anymore and will do the same. Either way, this is a legitimate problem and deserves adequate attention.

As an aging adult, it is important to take your own health into consideration. Are you able to do everyday tasks without help? Are you suffering from a variety of health issues that lessen your quality of life? Moving into a retirement home is a big step and must be thoroughly weighed before taking the jump. To humor your children, take a look at local retirement communities to check out the perks and benefits. If you want to learn more about the benefits of a retirement home, check out this previous article, Benefits of Moving to a Retirement Home. After testing out the waters of an independent community or assisted living home, and it just doesn’t feel right, how do you prove to your kids that you don’t belong in a senior home? Even if you are being forced into the matter, there are valid points to discuss to prove your point to your kids. Here’s how with a list of quick tips and recommendations.

Table of Contents

Doctor’s Note

When you’re in the process of proving your ability to live alone, one of the best things you can do is to go to your primary care doctor for a sound routine checkup. Going to a psychologist for a medical screening is also a good idea. With a clean bill of health, your children should have no problem accepting your desire to live at home. Important note: if your children are saying that you physically have to go to a retirement home because of the doctor’s recommendation, that is almost always untrue. A doctor, nurse, hospital care assistant, or other medical professional does not have that power unless you are physically unable to make your own decisions. That is the only condition. You have the power to decide, but it is still a good idea to listen to your health care provider as they can monitor your health for your benefit.

Recommendations From Friends

Along with a doctor’s note, recommendations from close friends can be an extra bonus for points to prove yourself. If Gretta and James have known you for years, and know all the ins and outs of your general health and abilities, give them a call and meet up for dinner with your kids. Family friends will often know you better than your own children and can provide detailed information as to your need to move to a retirement home or not.

Write A Heartfelt Letter

Sometimes physical conversations just don’t do it. I know this might sound like a cheesy and unimportant tip, but handwritten letters are one of the most sincere forms of communication. It’s a shame that heartfelt letters have gone by the wayside. Giving your son or daughter a handwritten note explaining your desire to reside in your family home might be helpful in proving the benefit of staying in your current place. Make sure to be thoughtful, address your childrens’ worries and show them how much better you are with your current situation. The written word can be a powerful means of communicating your needs.

Promise To Focus On Health

Adult children just want what is best for their retiring parents. If you can provide them with a sense of calm and reassurance surrounding your health, their worries might subside. Give them promises of continued focus on health, exercise, and healthy habits. Some examples might be to go on regular walks every day, consider counselling, or join a retired community for one of your many hobbies. Being responsible with daily medication and vitamins is also a sure way to help. Whatever you can do to ease your childrens’ worries over your health is beneficial to you.

Resources

Having resources available when emergencies come up is important. Knowing the numbers to call, helping friends, and available doctors is a necessity as you age. The fact that you have all of this information readily available for all situations is a good reminder for children that you are capable of taking care of yourself when the situation calls for it.

Other Options

If your health is not as good as it once was, but you are still not at the point of moving to an assisted living center or other retirement community, consider the alternative of having a home nurse or live-in assistant. This way, you have all of the perks of living in your own home, but also getting the care you need to continue keeping your health in check. This is almost as good as living in a home, and will be a comfort for your kids knowing that you are taken care of. If it makes them feel any better, you can also have the home assistant send weekly messages to your kids for updates on health and any issues that might arise. They will feel included and comfortable knowing you are taken care of in your own home.

Hopefully these quick tips have eased your mind and you will have a couple tricks behind your back if your children are pushing the move to a retirement home. Remember to try to understand their point of view, that they want to see you happy, healthy, and thriving. With this in mind, you have the power to decide what is best for you at your stage of life. Make that choice with the help of a primary care doctor, close friends and family. No one can physically force you into a retirement home unless necessary. Your comfort and health is of the most importance!